now, i don't believe in true love no more, 'cause seriously, nothing lasts forever. i'm just too afraid to repeat that very same old mistakes. which he didn't even cared, not at all.

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and he still thinks that it's my fault for all this to happen. so what? is it my fault too for buying that bloody expensive PSP/clothes/food for you and all? is it my fault too that i paid for your $500 handphone bill once? and is it my fault too to keep spending on you, 'cause i just freaking care for you too much? and and is it my fault too, to fall in love with you right from the very beginning? tell me, 'cause i would love to know. we had spent $3000 together for the last few months, and this means nothing to you? that's why you kept saying that i kept ungkit-ing 'cause you want to know why? it's not your bloody money, okay?! it's not yours. that's why you're like, "heck, why should i care, i didn't ask her to spend them all on me, she's the one willing to do so." mind you, i am willing 'cause i loved you, damn it. so much that you just wouldn't know. but, you? it's not about the spendings on me but, just the whole situation that's happening between us. i'm not asking you to compare ourselves, but instead, please do try to see the whole picture. can't you infer anything? can't you? that's why i am so damn hurt, you wouldn't even have the idea how painful it is. you just wouldn't know, 'cause you just don't want to know. and to think that in front of my parents, i was the one taking all the blame on my shoulders, while you just sat there, agreeing with my stupid/useless confessions with no initiative to say sorry to them at all for whatever that you've done to us. 'cause i know that, in that hollow head of yours, you're not wrong at all. instead, my family's at fault for insulting you and whatnot. please, my family is being pessimistic only for a valid good reason. they wouldn't point a finger on you, if you didn't commit any particular wrongdoings. what? you think we're that crazy?! since you said that you still cared for me, tell me then, is your kind of guy's the one that best suits me for all my future's life? tell me, why the hell would you even confess that you love me that much 17th month before if you, yourself want it to end this way? what, do you think it's fun playing with a girl's feelings? a girl like me, 'cause i ain't no normal girls, and you know that. oh yes, you do. though you keep telling yourself that i am too contented with myself but then tell me, why shouldn't i not? you yourself said once that other guys would die to have a girl like me, and so, why can't you? is it because you've got everything that you've wanted from me already? i couldn't help myself from wondering. why, why did you do this to me? i've been such a freaking good girlfriend to you all this while, just don't deny it please. then why these treatment then? like you said, just because of pictures, and you tell me i'm stupid? hello, reflect please. i did try to save our relationship, crying like a mad woman so helplessly then, and you heard me. but, what did you do then? did you even try to console me as a guy should? did you even cry? instead you kept blaming me that i'm too demanding and whatnot. what if it really is? shouldn't i not? i have the bloody rights to do so 'cause seriously, who's too much right now? me or you? who, between us that's have had enough, all this while? you tell me? is it too hard for you to say sorry? why? i'm in desperate need for your answers seriously. my love's life has always been tainted by guys just like you. none have ever made me feel like a total princess, while i, on the other hand, have always treated my fellow boyfriends like my very own prince charming. and so they shouldn't whine about my bad behaviours, really, they shouldn't, 'cause looking at the overall scenario, it has always been one-sided, no matter what. i always didn't get whatever that i deserve. that's the actual fact and i have to accept it. my love life's totally sucks to the core! =(((((

a big no no for another guy like him in my life again, and once i've stated a certain statement, i'll mark it. i'll be extra more careful than i already am after irsyad.

oh, just strike everything off, it means nothing and it's the oh, so least important, to him as well as others. =X

p/s : face it, boy, i'm just too good for you to handle, no? and that's what makes it all difficult. =)!

peace out!